Secrets to divulge without chasing your date away
By Hedda Muskat
Are you one of the millions of daters out there who felt your date went bad because you opened your big mouth and said things that you now regret? Things that are way too personal or risqué before you gauge the interest of the other person you are with? Even if the chemistry is there, if you reveal too much about your past it could potentially turn off your date; then you can thank yourself for sabotaging that one. It’s not because your date may not want to know that you were just out of prison for a crime you didn’t commit, but it’s mostly because it’s too much information too soon. There is definitely a fine line between opening up and over sharing on a first date. Your desire to put everything out on the table right away so you can get all your thoughts out there in the open doesn’t really work. Dating is a process and maintaining some mystery on the first date is a good start. Guys still like to do some hunting so let them ask you some more questions before you volunteer all the dirt about yourself. So how much is too much? Here are 3 tips on how to control your desire for wanting to be overly honest.
Don’t talk negatively about yourself. Try and present your best self. Be upbeat, positive and ask fun upbeat questions to get the conversation going. Let your date see you as a whole and complete person.
Don’t brag about all your achievements and accomplishments. It sounds conceited and makes it look like you’re insecure, as if you’re fishing for all sorts of compliments about how great you are. Being humble is the way to go.
Don’t talk about how many partners you’ve had. That’s extremely personal and it’s not necessary for the other person to know all that. The first date is making a fresh start with a new person, and if that person makes a big deal out of you not wanting to talk about it that’s a red flag of someone who could be controlling and possessive.
Less is more when it comes to blabbing too much about yourself. Keep the mystery alive as you slowly get to know each other. Your life isn’t an open book just because you’re on a date. Let your date get to know you as a person first before you reveal every skeleton in your closet. Look at your life in Chapters. The first date is Chapter One.
Hedda Muskat is the author of The Dating Mystique based on her TV writing days at “Love Connection”.